Every parent wants to raise their children to be resilient, happy, successful adults. Practicing mindfulness as a parent can show your children how to live fully in the moment. Mindful parenting tells us that it is less about controlling your children and more about regulating your own reactions. Parenting with mindfulness can help you be:
Less critical of yourself and your child
More engaged with and tuned-in to your child’s needs
Less reactive in times of stress
Able to appreciate your child’s unique gifts
When it comes to mindful parenting, more is caught than taught. Here are seven ways to parent with self-awareness.
Forgive yourself
Let us be the first to tell you: it’s impossible to be perfect. The first step to take as a mindful parent is the one in which you forgive yourself for former mistakes. You cannot move forward until you release yourself from past regrets.
Don’t be afraid to seek counseling if you need it. Your relationship with your children will only be as healthy as the one you have with yourself.
2. Model Resilience
Your children carefully watch how you react in moments of stress. How do you respond when someone cuts you off in traffic? If your partner says something hurtful, do you snap back with a snarky comment? Children accept how their parents deal with adversity as a blueprint for their lives. If you’re easily angered and upset by everyday irritations, they will be too.
Your children are also highly attuned to your coping mechanisms. If they notice you using food or alcohol to numb uncomfortable feelings, for example, they may normalize those decisions. Conversely, if they see you turn to healthier methods of dealing with strong emotions, like going for a walk or calling a friend, you’re modeling those habits as natural ways to deal with stress.
3. Examine Your Triggers
Having children unleashes powerful feelings of both happiness and, at times, frustration. It may be helpful to pause before you speak when you’re having a powerful emotional reaction to something your child has done.
For instance, if you feel angry that your son did poorly on a spelling test, examine that emotion. Were you criticized for your schoolwork as a child? Understanding our triggers allows us to parent from a place of empathy for both ourselves and our children.
Becoming conscious of your stress levels may also help you when you are deciding how to handle daily tasks. If cooking dinner creates stress, for example, don’t simultaneously help with homework. Try to tackle more emotionally wrought tasks when you’re not hungry or tired.
4. Don’t Be Afraid to Apologize
You will inevitably and inadvertently let your children down at some point. Apologize often and with sincerity. Many parents fear that apologizing will make them look weak. However, saying (and meaning) “I’m sorry” can actually strengthen your relationship. Moreover, it models healthy behavior and communication.
Keep in mind that, while it’s OK to explain your behavior, you shouldn’t negate the apology by making excuses. Children will recognize the courage it took to admit you were wrong and respect you for it.
5. Unplug From Technology
Consider leaving your phone in another room when engaged with your child. Having all of you creates feelings of being special and worthy of your attention. Having a half-hour of undivided attention will mean more than extended periods of half-hearted interactions with you.
Everyone has to work long hours sometimes, and workplace emergencies do arise. As much as possible, however, try to leave work at work and be fully present with your family when you’re home.
Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, Psychologist, and author of “The Big Disconnect: Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age” says that many children with whom she works report feeling like they are less important or fun than the device that is taking their parent’s attention. Being intentional with your own screen time will boost your authority with your children as you help guide their own technology choices.
Remember that you are the parent when setting expectations for screen time. If you say phones aren’t allowed at the table, enforce it. Don’t let children sleep with their phones in their rooms. Don’t surrender to the idea that it is OK to be plugged into technology at all times. Children and teenagers need time away from screens, and they need you to provide that structure.
6. Leave Margins In Family Life
Creating margin in your life will reduce stress and allow you to live in the moment on many different levels. Starting morning routines ten minutes earlier will leave space for you to enjoy small moments with your child instead of barking at him or her to hurry. A daughter showing off her latest dance moves on her way to brushing her teeth will make you smile instead of cringe once you’re not preoccupied with the possibility of her missing the bus.
Starting bedtime routines earlier can also work wonders when it comes to your relationship with your child. Creating space for a story, a snuggle, and some quiet time with you at the end of a long day will strengthen your bond.
7. Embrace Spontaneous Fun
Living mindfully as a parent isn’t all about introspection and good routines, however. It can be as simple as dancing in the kitchen with your child or singing gustily to a favorite tune while driving them around. If you make time for moments of silliness and joy, your child will internalize the message that they are worthy of your time and love. It’s also a pretty fun way to parent.
Parenting with Self-Awareness
Being a parent isn’t easy, and every family and child is unique. If you’d like to learn more about utilizing tools to help navigate family life with mindfulness strategies, click here to contact us today.